Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Old Scores to Settle

**DISCLAIMER: Some will find this post to be a little disgusting, I suspect.

As a Seattle-ite and fairweather fan, I was naturally pumped to see the Seahawks go to the Superbowl a couple years ago to face the Pittsburgh Steelers in Detroit. My friend Melissa was a die-hard Steeler fan, and so this provided an opportunity to begin some very pleasurable smack-talk.

Eventually, Melissa gifted me a package of Steelers napkins, and so I sent her this email reply:
"I wanted to thank you for the Steelers napkins that you gave me. Haven't used them yet, but when I run out of toilet paper, I will make sure to use them. This of course will be roughly analogous to what the Seahawks are going to do to your Steelers in Detroit."
Of course, we know how this ended up: some crooked referees ended up handing the game to the Steelers on a silver platter. But that isn't the end of this story. Fast-forward to two days ago, where I got back from my extended trip and found that the toilet paper in my bathroom was gone. What had my resourceful roommate decided to use instead while I was out of town? That's right. The Steeler napkins. I had not told him this story, and yet he also intuitively grasped the most appropriate use for Steelers napkins.

SEE YOU IN HELL, PITTSBURGH STEELERS! The Seahawks just suck so damn bad this year that I'll continue to live in the past thank you very much.


Michelle Woolley said... really put the sore in sore loser, my friend. But maybe I can offer some advice to your beloved, if inferior, hometown team...don't hire QBs married to crazy, right-wing, ignorant bitches. Go Stillers!

Aaron said...

You ought to get yourself some Panthers napkins for the bathroom. That'd endear you to your new neighbors.