Free Food & Drink @ Crunchytown's Mellow Mushroom

K.C. and her husband Solar joined me for a recent trip to Asheville, my favorite beautiful town. K.C. was hankering for pizza, so we went to Asheville's Mellow Mushroom.

It took a while to get a table, and then even after getting our table we hadn't received our menus or otherwise talked with a waiter for a good 15 minutes. So I eventually hailed a waiter, and a stout bald guy covered with tattoos came to help us. The waiter seemed genuinely apologetic for the delay, and had clearly taken it upon himself to make our remaining experience at the Mellow Mushroom a wonderful one. "I'm so sorry for the wait... I'll put your food order in as a rush order, and we'll it out to you as soon as possible!" In the meantime, I ordered the local Pisgah Seasonal beer, K.C. ordered a hard cider, and Solar a water.

A couple minutes later, the waiter came back with a Pisgah Pale, which I noted was not the beer I ordered. This might not have been such a big deal if I liked pale ales, but generally I don't. "Oh my gosh..." he sighed, apparently dismayed with himself, "Well, you can keep that one, and I'll bring the Seasonal right out." Soon I was stocked with two full beers (both were pretty good).

I get started on my complimentary beers and salad. With or without utensils...

The waiter then came back unannounced with a beautiful Greek salad, which he explained was complimentary for all the delays. This unexpected gesture was very nice of him, but after he left, I discovered that we had been left with a new dilemma, which I explained to K.C.:

"As I see it, we now have to make one of two choices, neither of them good. One, we can let the waiter know that he forgot to bring us utensils, which will probably make him feel really bad. Or two, we can just eat the salad without the utensils, and then ask for utensils when the main food comes out, and hope that he doesn't realize that we just ate our appetizer without utensils, which runs the risk of possibly making him feel REALLY bad."

In the end, we chose the first option, and were met with the predictable unpleasant wave of apologies... Poor guy...

Trouble Brewin' at the Krankster

Krankies recently started offering $2 off their wonderful & impressive selection of Belgian beers about two or three weeks ago and apparently will continue the deal... "till the offer ends." Naturally, upon discovering this momentous event I celebrated by drinking three Chimay's (clocking in at 7 to 9% alcohol) in about an hour.

I'll just note in closing that this particular reaction was not the best idea I've ever had...

Drinkin' with the Commonfolk

Between songs at Jenn and Andy's wedding reception in Bryson City, the bass-player from Commonfolk walked up to us and offered us a sip from his bottle of homemade moonshine. I was a little reluctant -- can't that stuff make you go blind? -- but this was the good corn stuff, and man, it was tasty. It tasted a lot like whiskey but had a nice subtle sweetness.

The next day, I was itching to get some moonshine for myself on the way out of town, but the moment was gone. I discovered only too late that you can't really get that stuff in stores, and I don't think it's legal to buy it from folks, either. If you want moonshine, you gotta have friends in the right places. I'm working some angles right now...

The Commonfolk play as Chauncey takes a hit from the bottle.

Coffee Search in Crunchytown

My friend C.C.B. and I had but a short time in Asheville, and our mission was simple: find iced coffee. The search started at The Cupcake Corner, where I asked the girl at the counter "What kind of iced coffee do you got?" She responded, "We got mocha java... Columbian..." And I interrupted with the really important question: "No no -- that's not what I meant at all. Ahem. Is your iced coffee cold-brewed?" (Yes, I am officially a iced coffee snob.)

Anyway, the girlwas very pleasant and pointed me to a place that sold cold-brewed iced coffee: The Green Sage Coffee House. We headed there, and yes, they advertised cold-brewed coffee on their menu. But I thought that it was a bit bitter. And C.C.B., who also cut her cold-brewed teeth on Cafe Kopi's wonderful iced coffee in Champaign agreed... it was not really The Stuff.

A shot of the Double-Decker Coffee Company taken on the way out of town. Man, this place was beautiful... I don't care what the coffee's like. If I lived in Asheville I would be at this place every sunny day.

Then I remembered a previous visit to Asheville where I had found WONDERFUL cold-brewed iced coffee. I arrived late one Saturday night with a friend to The Dripolator Coffeehouse. The place was packed and so we were forced to park next to a big garbage dumpster, which we weren't sure was a spot. When we got in, I found what I was looking for: The Dripolator served the finest iced coffee I've experienced in a coffee shop. It was absolutely terrific, and I sipped and enjoyed it in a state of pure bliss. However, when we got outside less than an hour later, we discovered that the car had been towed. Why?!? As I came to understand it from talking to a Dripolator server, it was because the owner of the Dripolator's building lived in eyeshot of the coffee shop and was a bitter, pathetic old man who had nothing better to do with his time than to look outside and call the towing company (presumably on speed-dial) when any towable infraction came around.

Ah, yes. Such good iced coffee, and ultimately such an unpleasant experience. So the next time you're in Crunchytown, you might try the Dripolator to meet your iced coffee needs. And while you're there, you might also leave some flaming poo on the landlord's doorstep. For me.

Adventures of Johnny Coffee-Bean

Photo by Andrew Scrivani of The New York Times

I've had iced coffee several different ways, and most are unexceptional... usually they are made by just chilling coffee that you've already made from a drip coffee machine or a french press. And this is pretty vile until you add large amounts of sugar and half-and-half to cut the coffee.

However, a couple years ago, I discovered cold-brewed iced coffee at Cafe Kopi in Champaign, IL. Making cold-brewed iced coffee is simpler than you would think: you simply add lukewarm water to coffee grounds and let it all sit in a container for about 8 hours (see the linked easiest recipe in the world ever)*. By never using hot water to extract the flavor from the beans, the resulting coffee is amazingly smooth, not bitter, and surprisingly sweet. Indeed, I almost always prepare it by just adding water and ice and drinking it black.

So after years of drinking this concoction in Champaign, I was very disappointed to find that none of the coffee places in town actually serve their iced coffee the cold-brewed way. As the self-appointed Johnny Coffee-Bean -- spreading the good news of the cold brew method -- I have traveled far and wide through this town with a Nalgene of my iced coffee, and sharing it to whoever I can without solicitation. Apparently my efforts are beginning to show dividends. Mitchell, one of the managers of Krankies, has recently been sighted drinking cold-brewed iced coffee around the store, and word on the streets is that cold-brewed iced coffee should soon be on the menu. So I recommend that the next time you head to Krankies (or indeed, any coffee shop), you ask "do you have cold-brewed iced coffee?" If they say no, throw on your best dejected hangdog look. But if they say yes, enjoy!

*Alternatively you can by a "Toddy" iced coffee maker. This is a huge waste of time and money. Seriously.

Today's Food Tip: Chili Chick-Fil-A

I was going to post some drawings my sister sent me for my next entry, but the scanner is down, so I have this instead -- which might be even better.

Genius struck today, and so we ended up with this for lunch:

Chick-Fil-A sandwich topped with generous amounts of chili and Texas Pete Hot Sauce, with a large side of chili.

The drink is an Arnold Palmer -- which is 50% unsweetened ice tea, and 50% lemonade. (I personally like it even less sweet, so I make mine with about a 75/25 ratio.)

I was not sure how it would work, but it was fucking amazing, so now I am trying to spread the Chili Chick-Fil-A love. I would recommend this with a high quality chili, like my 54th Annual Ardmore Chili Cook-Off Award winner.

Other delicious and unusual food ideas while we're at it:

Chicken McNugget with Frostie. It would be ideal if you could get McDonald's Chicken McNuggets to dunk in a Wendy's Frostie, but taking the equivalent food item from either venue is almost as good and shouldn't be avoided. Of course, many people will recognize this as a signature feature of my "Chicken McNuggets Go With Everything" campaign.

Hot Dog in Twinkie. This idea is not mine, but was obtained from Weird Al's movie UHF (here is a recipe from an independent admirer). Of course, I thought it was worth a try, and it was awesome. Or awful. I tried this a couple years ago and can't remember which anymore, which I guess means that you will definitely need to try it yourself. I would recommend a high quality hot dog for this one (something like a Hebrew National).

Coleslaw with Anything. This excellent idea is also not mine, but is something like the motto of Pittsburg, PA. Coleslaw can be added to hot dogs, hamburgers, and most everything else to devastatingly tasty effect. If by chance you are presented with the opportunity to combine coleslaw on top of a cajun chicken sandwich (an opportunity I first encountered at Urbana's bar "The Office") then you win! Because that is a mighty tasty combo my friends.